This is the writing of the whiner's bio...

drive slow, homie. ya never know, homie.

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 01:52:37 GMT

another valuable lesson learned.
...the hard way.

RIP, stace

you will be missed.
<3

drunken times

Tue, 15 May 2007 02:50:12 GMT

FF5 reunion= spice girls kareoke.

i hate us.

warm it up.

Sat, 12 May 2007 23:48:30 GMT

when life is full of the FF5,
drinking,
smoking,
and late night booty calls...

...life is good.

but in reality:

im broke.
i need a new job.
i hate my manager.
someone needs to buy this system and get it off my hands.
aaaaand my mom needs to get off my back.
aaaaaaaaaaaaand i think i failed every class this semester.

fuck.

sooooooooooooo.....

Tue, 01 May 2007 18:36:44 GMT

i officially am over george schuhknecht.
and i couldn't be more happy.

also, i got accepted into WCSU.

so, if all goes as planned, I will be living in conn and playing volleyball for WCSU for the next two year of my life.

it's no hawaii, but its better than dutchess county.

my potential coach sounds like a real cool guy.
i'm excited to meet him.

in other news, ive been an alcoholic for the past month.
im trying to cut back.
but its hard.

uhhhhh.....

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 00:47:10 GMT

my life couldn't get any more ridiculous.

i was absolutely trashed at corinnes house last night and passed out on the couch for like 45 mins.
decided to drive home.. which prob wasnt teh best idea... but it happened.
came home... abt to get into bed and a friend calls n hes drunk and wants to spend the night with me.
um, hi.
i still live at home with my mom.
both my sisters are home
and my brothers live across the hall.
but im drunk, so whatever.
he gets dropped off at like 2:30.
and we end up doin whatever.
awesome.
wake up in the morning.. so fucking hungover.
bring him home.

my sisters wanna go to rbk for the day,
so i shower and blah blah.
and of course it takes me forever to get ready so they were rushin me or whatever.
and i look at my window at one point and see a pick up truck in my driveway and think nothing of it.
and all of sudden kelly yells up the stairs to me
"george schuhkencht is here"

im not sure what happened after that.
i either passed out
or pooped my pants
or died all together
because i dont remember talking to him.

either way...

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!?!?!?!

life.

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 23:37:05 GMT

so apparently to most people on this planet i'm beautiful, gorgeous, hot, sexy.,...whatever...
and apparently i have an awesome personality (on a good day) and i'm creative and unique...

but i have no motivation.
no drive.
no inspiration.
and i sure as hell have no desire to be in school.

so where the fuck is that gonna get me?

leave never would you, you show could i if

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 22:37:24 GMT

Fuck you ~~Lucy~~ George for leaving me.
Fuck you ~~Lucy~~ George for not needing me.
I wanna say fuck you because I still love you.
No, I'm not okay, and I don't know what to do.

....i don't know what to do.

smoking helps to ease the pain.
it numbs the emotions.
it helps me forget.
if i'm not high, i'm crying.
not because i feel sorry for me,
but because i can't escape him.
this ~~love~~ obsession is taking over my life.
i want nothing more than to forget him.

i ~~hate~~ love you.

what day is it?

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 23:38:41 GMT

wednesday, feb 14th.
1:00 AM : vomitting begins.
8:00 AM: drive to work in a blizzard because my life is worth risking for the store over my manager's apparently.
...still sick to my stomach.
9:00 AM: store opens.
9:30 AM: sam relieves me from work and i drive home... in the blizzard.
10:00 AM: finally some sleep.
1:00 PM: wake up and puke some more
1:30 PM: migrate downstairs to temperature above 13 degrees.
watched House from 2 till like 6.
and then more T.V.
6:00 PM: some drive heaving.
8:00 PM: bed.
....probably the best valentine's day i ever had.

NOT.

i didn't go to class on thursday.
i was barely awake for most of the day.
another 10 hrs of sleep.
i didn't eat for two and a ahlf days.
i didnt leave my house till friday afternoon.
...to get high.
then i ate.
but almost threw up again.

so the garage collapsed at the pok galleria, huh?
who knew?
was that really why there were so many fucking disgusting people at the mall today?
shows how well i kept myself disconnected from the world through the week.
im happy i did that.
because i hate things.
and people.
no.
mostly i miss one person on this planet so much that it's making me angry and bitter at the world.
that and the fact that the roots are sold out.
fuck everything right now.

im going to go get high.

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 00:31:37 GMT

classes havent even started and my mind is already set on spring break.
ive been talking to this boy who's friends with george.
he's in the marines and is currently down in n.c.
he wants me to visit on break.
im considering.
yeah, its gonna burn a huge fucking hole in my pocket
but i think it might be worth it.

but im also scared.
george is honestly the one and only true love of my life.
and he's married.
there's a chance i could run into him...
and if i did, it could fuck with my head real bad.
(or it could make him change his mind which defies every law in my book)

lately ive been trying to stick to an "out of sight out of mind" kinda deal.
but it's hard because when i finally think ive moved on he'll get in touch with me and tell me that i'm the one.
fuck fuck fuck.
i know i am.
when im with him everything is perfect.
everything feels right.
i just wish he would open his fucking eyes.

he's what ive been lacking these past few years.
he's the missing piece of the puzzle.
he's happiness.

i want to be with him more than anything else in the world.

...and if i can't be with him, then there's not a chance in the world for me.

im a very indpendent individual.
it feels weird to depend on someone else as my source of happiness.

new years

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 19:16:03 GMT

e.
yayo.
heiny.
olde english.
trees.
shots at 9 AM.

i havent slept yet.
it was dark for like a year and a half.
i feel lika pile of shit.

goin' out with a bang

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 03:11:22 GMT

just incase i don't live to see 2007-
here are a few possible reasons as to what led to my death.

tonight: ff5 6 bottles of liquor, a bottle of wine and blunts
tomorrow: road trip to conn. to trip and party thru to the night.
sunday: drive home in the AM. work all day. drive to albany at night. ...more alcohol. tons of weed.
NEW YEAR'S EVE IS GONNA BE OFF THE FUCKIN HOOK!
and party's won't stop till 8 in the mo'nin'!

im a little worried for my body.

p.s.

work in progress.

the hottest puker

Fri, 07 Jul 2006 21:28:51 GMT

last night i threw up in a homeless man's living room.

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 18:30:24 GMT

YoKoANNE [11:12 AM]: yo, im impressed that you didnt puke last ngith
YoKoANNE [11:13 AM]: you were playing hardcore flipcup with like double shots of vodka...

yeah, that's right.
a whole liter of absolute citron.

that's pretty gross.

then i passed out drunk on walsh's shoulder on the way home.
i'm sorry if i drooled.

i left my
cell phone
a bathing suite top
a t-shirt
and my jeans

at d-lub's

ass.

"I PLAY FOOTBALL!" says the boy running through the Silent Disco in a speedo...

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 06:16:16 GMT

what went on at Bonnaroo, stays there, mother fuckers.

this place ain't worthy enough to even BEGIN to explain the fucking 5 day party.

just signing online makes me sick.
i hate it here.

P.S. -- ryan smith: i was sittin down trippin at Tom Petty and and then you walked through a space in the crowd like an angel. it was amazing. but i was too fucked up to do anything about it.

Sun, 11 Jun 2006 16:49:05 GMT

bonnaroo in 3 days.
i've never been so excited in my life.
and on top of that--
high 80s all weekend.
no rain in site.

i'm really happy with the people who im going with.
besides the ff5,
kelly, kelly and alayja are three of the very few people i can stand to be around for more than an hour or so.

im not looking forward to a 12-16 hr car ride, however.
especially since we're leaving at midnight on wed.
gay?
...yeah.

p.s. my mom is a crazy bitch.

may angels lead you in

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 22:32:31 GMT

I went from having one of the best weeks ever
full of drugs, parties, friends, tripping....
to one of the the worst weeks ever.

this past week has been incredibly demanding
both physically and emotionally.

i haven't gone out since last weekend.
i had early working hours all week.
i worked 14 hrs straight yesterday
and another 7 today.
AND I'VE BEEN SOBER ALL WEEK TOO.

i'm gonna be loaded when i get this next pay check.
but money don't mean a thing to me right now.

heather's wake was the most depressing thing i've ever gone through.
i've never been to a wake before, so i really didn't know what to expect.
and i never dreamed of waiting in line for three hours to pay my respects.

also, i don't believe in the whole heaven and hell thing.
or the fact that "everything happens for a reason" or
"that it was her time"
i don't pray.
so i had no idea what i was going to do when it was my turn to get up there.

i went with corinne and carissa.
i was happy to have them with me.

i shed a few tears outside.
mostly just because of the looks on everyone's faces.
i saw kenny crying on the way out and it instantly made me cry.
jason came over to me and gave me a hug... that made me cry too.

finally, we got inside the funeral home...
between the songs playing and the colages... i wanted to leave.
i couldn't stand being in there.

i dried my eyes... only in time to get closer to where her coffin was.
i took one glance over to where it was.
i saw heather's beautiful curly hair
and bawled.
all the way up there.

as we waited next in line,
her mother gave me a hug and thanked me for coming.
i had planned to say so much to her.
to say sorry,
to tell her how proud she should be that her daughter was so wonderful.
i couldn't speak.
nothing came out.
then she said "look at that picture.... isn't she beautiful?"
it was one of her black and white pictures from prom.
i think i died in that moment.

we didn't kneel down when we went up.
mostly because the three of us wanted to go up together
but also because none of us knew any prayers or anything.
so the three of us stood in front of the casket holding hands.

i didn't want to look at her.
but i had to.
it made me cry even harder.
i could barely see through my tears,
and finally i was able to look away.
i just put my head down and sobbed.
there was so much running through my head that i couldn't even think straight.
ervything that i wanted to "say" to her was just a jumbled mess.

it was the longest moment of my life as we stood up there.
i felt like we stood there for an hour.
i couldn't bare it.
seeing this beautiful girl-
who was once full of life and beauty and smiles-
just laying there... so lifeless.

when we walked away,
we passed people we knew who were still waiting in line.
i think by just looking at us they knew how bad it was.
i didn't want to look at anyone.
i just wanted to leave.

stepping outside was the best feeling i had that day.
i felt like a lot of sorrow and mourning had lifted off my shoulders.
i was glad to have open arms to walk into when we reached the lawn.

i never smoked a cigarette so hard in my entire lfie.

the entire 3 hrs of waiting i could only think of her best friends and family.
i mean, if i was this upset about someone like heather-
who i knew.. but didn't hang out with much outside of soccer-
i couldn't IMAGINE losing one of my best friends or siblings.
like... i couldn't.
i wouldn't know what to do with my life.

but , overall, i think the wake helped.
because i was finally able to talk about the incedent to someone i work with without crying.

at the mansion the next day,
the family owns ATVs.
it was the daughter's b-day party,
so there was a bunch of young girls riding around the property.
it made me so sad.

....this entry is making me sad now.
and it's ridiculously long.
and i don't care if you read it or not.
it's mostly for me anyways.
because i don't have a memory.

you live as long as you're remembered

Tue, 30 May 2006 16:20:38 GMT

there's no one in town i know
you gave us someplace to go
i never said thank you for that
thought i might get one more chance

what would you think of me now?
so lucky
so strong
so proud
never said thank you for that
now i'll never have a chance

may angels lead you in
hear you me my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in

what would you think of me now?
so lucky
so strong
so proud
never said thank you for that
now i'll never have a chance

may angels lead you in
hear you me my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in

if you were with me tonight
i'd sing to you just one more time
a song for a heart so big god wouldn't let it live

may angels lead you in
hear you me my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in

may angels lead you in
hear you me my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in

R.I.P Heather Camara

I couldn't believe what I was hearing yesterday.
If it was anyone, it couldn't be Heather.
She was one of the sweetest girls i've ever known.
We played soccer together for years.
It just didn't make any sense.
Heather had it all.
She was smart, absolutely beautiful, she had the best friends, a wonderful family and if she put her mind to it, she could do anything.
Just a month before high school graduation and few weeks from senior prom.

I love you, girl. This shouldn't have happened to you. It wasn't your time. I'll miss you always.
<33

Much love and respect to her family.

i thought you were supposed to be SELLING me a phone..

Thu, 11 May 2006 17:46:05 GMT

best pick-up line i've ever received:

situation- walking in the mall past a cellularone stand
people involved- me, 3 guys working at the booth
time- about 4.7 seconds

boy #1: "what does that say?"
me: "make yourself."
boy #1: "nice"
boy #2: "do you have a cell phone"
me: "yeah"
boy #2 or 3: "can i get your number?!"

hahahaha

no.

this is what my life is like...

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 23:27:45 GMT

i gave a presentation in PSY today.
i accidently said "sex" instead of unsuccessful.

ALSO:

i got my car washed today.
i was extremely excited about it
until i went to my car after work and found that bird shit had somehow found its way to my back window.

i need to calm my OCD.
i need to vaccuum my car.
maybe tomorrow.
there's enough weed on the floor/seats to roll a blunt.

MAKE YOURSELF

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 17:43:04 GMT

tattoo appointment: 5 PM Friday, April 28th.

time of death: 8 PM Friday, April 28th.

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 23:35:08 GMT

i'm not really sure why i'm still alive...

he's a keeper.

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 13:41:46 GMT

Don't let it go away
This feeling has got to stay
Don't let it go away
This feeling has got to stay
And I can't believe I've had this chance now
Don't let it go away

New, you're so new
You, you're new
And I never had this taste in the past
New, you're so new

My normal hesitation is gone
And I really gravitate to your will
Are you here to fetch me out?
'Cause I've never had this taste in my mouth

Oh you're not old
And you're not familiar
Recently discovered and I'm learning about you

New, you're so new
You, you're new

And you're consuming me violently
And your reverence shamelessly tempting me
Who sent this maniac?
'Cause I never had this taste in the past

Oh you're different, you're different from the former
Like a fresh battery. I'm energized by you

Don't let it go away
This feeling has got to stay
Don't let it go away
This feeling has got to stay
And I can't believe I've had this chance now
Don't let it go away

Why am I so curious?
This territory is dangerous
I'll probably end up at the start
I'll be back in line with my broken heart
New, you're so new
You, you're new
And I never had this taste in the past

Don't let it go away
This feeling has got to stay
Don't let it go away
This feeling has got to stay
And I can't believe I've had this chance now
Don't let it go away

And I can't believe it
Can't believe it
Can't believe it
Can't believe it
Don't let it go away, this feeling has got to stay
Don't let it go away

wake your mind up

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 03:53:44 GMT

got an hour to kill??
watch this:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2023320890224991194

true

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 20:43:47 GMT

one of Lorca's best lines
is,
"agony, always
agony..."

think of this when you
kill a
cockroach or
pick up a razor to
shave

or awaken in the morning
to
face the
sun.

work is gay

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 19:10:17 GMT

karma chameleon?!?!?!

who knew?

thanks, alayja.